Tonight has probably been the most frustrating of my life.
What started out to be a seemingly nice evening turned into shit.
I love [person] so much, but every moment we spend together and see more and more why we stopped being friends so many times through out this relationship. But then again, everyone moment thats NOT that moment makes me happy we started talking again.
I remember in 6th grade, when I went into orchestra class I was super good, but my new middle school orchestra started from book one, page one, so while being surrounded by a lower level of playing, the quality of my playing lessened. So I guess the way Im relating this is... Ive come so far and grown up in the last 2ish years, and I cannot be constantly surrounded and entertained people who dont know the first thing about really living, or growing up, or anything thats not being a child.
I understand theres times we all can let go, drink alcohol, act crazy, but there are certain situations where you have to fucking have control of yourself, not be self centered, no matter how fucking much you want your way. I cant help other people find themselves anymore, I cant try to motivate other people with problems anymore, its useless, everything in life needs to be learned by yourself. I cant willingly talk to a friend about his/her problems because I know the comfort of having someone to listen to you isnt helping you grow at all. It doesnt help you advance, its a crutch, when you train for a tri-athalon you dont take cigarette breaks, do you? Because it fucking reverses progress. Dont try to tell me that sometimes someone needs a crutch, and should just be given a break, YOU are the only person that YOU have in this world no matter what. Is it a problem that I have accepted that and you havnt? Is it a problem that I am content with my fucked up situation and have accepted it but you are still just fretting on the petty bullshit in your life? No, the problem is with yourself, not me. I am not going to become miserable and depressed about everything that goes on to make you more comfortable. I am not going to give you advice over and over again just for it to be useless in the end. I am going to let you deal with your own bullshit ON YOU OWN, like I did.