The concept of doing things your heart doesn't want to do because your head thinks its better for you as a whole is a fucking joke. None of me feels good, granted I didn't feel fantastic before, but whats this supposed to change? This is all kinds of open, there is no closure. My stomach has been in my throat since 3 oclock. There have been very few times in my life where I've been depressed and couldn't think of something that would make me feel better, couldnt dream up an alter life to be entertained by, to give me a higher purpose to work towards. Ive had alot of trouble expressing myself even TO myself, I felt nothing but numb until Lia left and I was alone, cuddled in a blanket, staring at my computer screen. What now? Do I blog? Do I write? I can't help but wonder how long I could sleep. This is not the product of LOSING anyone, its a product of stupidly ridding myself of one of the only things I was sure of. In ones life some things should be stable and absolute. I'm a big fan of absolution but I can't find it anywhere.


There's one thing I have to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave