So, this morning I was in the shower and I spent like 4 seconds scanning my shampoo bottle making sure it was infact, shampoo, then I thought about how much time I spend every day looking at the shampoo bottle to see if it is INFACT SHAMPOO! I do it every single time I shower, I should make like a designated place for each product, but it will quickly get all fucked up cause my brother is a slob... but anyways... So I went to my computer and calculated... I spend 4 seconds every day looking at the shampoo bottle... that means I spend like 24 minutes every year looking at my shampoo bottle! THAT MEANS IN MY LIFE TIME ILL SPEND LIKE 32 HOURS LOOKING AT A FUCKING SHAMPOO BOTTLE.
WTF.

Fun day at oceanview with Caitlin and my brohan.
plus, I got this pillow. :-)

The doctors are saying my moms thing doesnt classify as a melanoma but theyre gonna keep a good eye on it...

PUN INTENDED


LOLOL.
Im just stoked shes alright... for now.

You are a beautiful, beautiful man.
Im tryna see what DAT feel lyke.

Hmm.
My mom is going to New York to get her eye looked at tomorrow... Apparently when you have certain cancers; signs show up in your eyes, and some doctor thinks my mom has lung cancer... thus the point of her going to the supposed "best doctor in teh whole wide world" in new york. I always said as a joke "the only way Id quit smoking is if someone I loved got lung cancer", so, the rest is self explanatory.
Jesus Christ.
I dont know, it could be nothing.
I love mama bear.

mmmm :-)
There are so many simple fact and occurances that make me pretty sure this is right, right now.

Hmmm. I feel strange today. This weekend has been intense.
In good and bad ways I suppose?
I might not be blogging much in the near future.
I don't have much to bitch about...

oh, and, random thought...
its interesting how many different occurrences and complicated details go into certain the opinions we form... yeah thats it.

I recall saying "Id rather be sleeping alone than with someone who is not you"
more and more truth comes to that statement every... moment.

Hmmm.
I believe I have properly prepared myself, just because I imagine if everything crashes and burns, ill be alright.
Im doing GOOD.

I see no progress in you. You say I pick fights... I approach you with a subtle, "lets fix this" attitude. You turn it into a fight with your harsh words and insults, blame it on me, then whine to a mutual friend claiming we gang up on you, thus turning you into the victim, correct? If your intentions are to get said mutual friend on your "side", we see right through it. I hate the words "mature" and "immature", I find them somewhat juvenile, but youre all about maturity, so ill be honest. We both know you are no where near where you need to be, so I would advise surrounding yourself with people at your level, it makes for a less embarrassing upbringing. For now, I think I'm done. I would really like to pick this back up on a later date, but right now all that is being inflicted upon me and those involved is pain and frustration. Maybe this makes me a shitty person, but I have to worry about myself before I worry about others, and you are taking up all my time.
Im sorry.
...


as for tonight...
hmmm. I will not be deprived of the distance I've come.
despite its inevitability.

mmm.
transition time!

Question though...
Is with-holding truth from those it doesnt DIRECTLY concern considered lying?
With such misfortune came so much good.
With good will misfortune come?

so weird encounter with someone who makez my words jumble.
do I sound stupid all the time?

I was just thinkin...
To be uneasy to "read" is a conscious awareness of your actions from body movement to facial expressions. I dont like confusion.


oh and Im the coolest person to have ever lived.
minus Roman Pulanski.



that is all.

thinkin about who made me believe in this shit, as a matter of fact, the same person who made me believe it was shit.

I just like this because words are really all I remember.
Which is funny, cause they didnt really mean much to me then.

Look what I found.

uh, january 2007... or 2008?
ha

Im really just numb to this whole deal.
I can keep saying that Im tired of trying, but I dont think anything is going to change any time soon.
There is no... trying or not anymore. We're going no where, and I think we will continue to go no where.
Yeah... it is depressing, so maybe thats why Ive trained myself to not completely care.
I really credit all of this to how easily I can accept disappointment or defeat or... anything not completely preferable.

Ugh.
I have lots to blog about, but I lack the balls to actually blog.
SWEET BRO!
Ill leave you with... I'm fucking terrified.

I was editing a manuscript and found this fantastic entry.
read.
appreciate.
art: any form of expression.



Passing the Peace

Before students elbowed through
halls, her volkswagen escaped
the faculty parking lot.
She tapped Make Love Not War signs
on fenders after filling
up for Vietnam protests.
Mondays found her exhausted

but still intensely focused.
Anti-war pamphlets replaced
state literature guidelines.
Reminded that the district
included military
families, she spread index
and middle finger upright

and continued. How do I
know? As an advanced degree
mentor, I observed classroom
techniques of first year teachers;
critiqued management methods.
She missed planning times so I
wrote notes: Return test papers

ASAP. I poured words
out during lunch. Challenged to
remember that a 7th
graders emotions floated
thin skin surfaces, she laughed
I know. Kent State erupted.
University gales closed.

Riots stopped ceremonies.
Degrees arrived in mail tubes.
No longer mentor, kid's sports
and cleaning helped me through days.
Two weeks; then a local news-
paper tilted fragile worlds.
Handsome as a Watusi

warrior, reserved for thirteen,
a boy asked for graded tests.
She responded, Not ready!
He (words from the article)
told her if she finished work,
he'd have a grade average.
(again from newspaper...)

...The teacher slapped him across
the face. He returned the serve.
Across the hall a male
teacher opened his door, saw
perceived attack and with clenched
fists knocked down an A student.
(I read this. I wasn’t there)

Contacted in Vietnam
John’s dad agreed with offer.
an apology from both
teachers would end a sticky
situation. The next dsy
she called, wanted to see me.
I finally said, Of course

Her green wagon bounced along
our driveway. Inside, I asked
her to sit. She started with,
They all want me to resign.
I nodded, Don’t refuse. If
They fire you, no system will
ever offer a contract!

I didn’t tell her our three
Kids fielded verbal hits, some
more painful than body blows;
that we avoided TV
in fear of what we might see.
We both knew my husband fought
for everything she opposed.

Pale braids trembled, she drank tea;
At last seemed ready to leave.
Twenty three, green as her bug,
smiling through fingers, waiting
for me to return the sign,
did she know the word never?
instead mouthed, Go in peace...

Chris Brown and Rihanna, Real talk.

They were ridin​g in the car and chris​ turne​d off the radio​
she said pleas​e dont stop the music​
he told her to shut up or hes going​ to beat her from wall to wall
she said shut up and drive​
then they got out of the car and it was raini​ng,​ but she didnt​ let him under​ her umbre​lla.​.​.​
ella ella
so he beat her with the umbre​lla.​.​.​
ella ella
and when the cops were looki​ng for him
he had to run it run it

UPDATE!
a-ron is my valentine... along with david?
even though it will only include a phone call...
we
can
brag about it at future parties.
YIZZZZ

I dont really have a Valentine, and I didnt think about that til last night.
Davids gonna kind of be my valentine.. so its okay.
Its silly anywayz.
...


Anyways, shore today with Shelby.
mmm.
yeah thats it.

I got hit in the face by a black bitch this morning.
I feel like Im beginning to lose my love of black people.
sry scotham.

Now head towards the light, the dark has no place here.

livin iz easy.



Shore again this weekend.
Staying away where I should be.

My entire blog boils down to me making all the right mistakes.

I went to Chincoteague with Cailtin, Shelby, and Josh Mosh today.
It was fun being there for 10 minutes...
we were driving into this "free parking" lot and Shelby was saying shes gonna take Caitlin to prom, so for dramatic effect I opened the car door and yelled "STOP THE FUCKING CAR" then shut it (end joke), but then Josh started laughing and I realized we were RIGHT in front of some old lady sitting on her front porch. Then... we went to pizza hut in onley... Then... we went back to my gmaz and sang happy birthday to my great aunt and gave her presentz. Then, I conned Caitlin into staying 10 minutes... but the whole ten minutes was me trying to convince her to say... thus me being a con-artist...
yiz.

I realized recently/today that almost everyone I knew in "the scene" has grown out of it and progressed.
Stress the word "almost".
Which lead me to think about psychological growth in general.
Which furtherly lead to me thinking about intellectual psychological growth.
THEN it lead to thinking about how those oh, so very high political figures and those who influence our world are always downing our generation. We are supposedly the most ignorant generation in the history of... well... history, but I have to disagree.
I believe in the times we're living in, simply because of social shifts EVERYONE wants to be an individual. EVERYONE wants originality. (It is scarce, but Im pretty sure it still exists) So I think everyone understands that personal views and opinions create personality (hopefully an interesting one will be determined with these views). NOW, to have personal views and or opinions... for them to be genuine, you must have knowledge. KNOWLEDGE. And I think everyone realizes this as well. So now we all have reason to pursue knowledge. So... does the fact that the reason for said pursuit is the far from noble make it any less... I dont know... Noble?
Should we be granted the gift of knowledge if all we really want out of it is more friends?... Or do we pursue such things so we like ourselves a little bit more?
I need more time to ponder.

"Smart People" was horribly depressing but fantastic... but horribly depressing...
Im on the shore. My dad is miserable. I want my brother. There is no food, but plenty of cigarettes.
Im editing a manuscript today.
That makes me feel really fucking cool.
jus sayin.


"I have often wondered how it is everyone loves himself more than the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than the opinions of others."

-- Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor

Today a good friend told me he was glad Im not a slut anymore and hes happy that ive turned my life in the right direction.
I thought I should have been at least a little insulted, I wasnt.
All I could say was that I agreed.
I agree.
I agree.
I fucking agree.

Im going to the eastern shore tonight, and glad to be going.
MMM, that is all.

Yesterday this really old guy at the bus stop handed me a peice of paper and told me it was a prayer book.
completely illegible.
ill scan in later today for someone to try and decipher.
the whole situation was pretty weird, im not expressing it properly.

when I fly solo I fly so high.
do birds get tired?
I dont think so.

how can this classify as a problem

the silica problem...essentially...

okay, so silica is a compound (SiO2), the form of silica concerning this blog is (SiO4), for some reason (I might know more if i was paying complete attention in geology) silica in minerals requires certain elements to share silicas oxygen... geologist call this "the silica problem". So my question for the day is how does this classify as a problem? When one brings up a "problem" it implies there is a solution to be found, but if said solution already happens naturally doesnt that mean its not ACTUALLY a problem?
thoughts?

Oh gahd.
Its all over.
My throat hurts though.
This morning could not have been more horrible.
absolute impossibility.

Im going to sleep the day away and DEFINATELY not go to my psychology class.

theres this thing called the upperhand I feel like I am acquiring.


btw
came across an old picture... I got powder foundation all over the dress right after prom.
good stuff.

oh, and did I mention Im a n00b?

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I hate tumblr.

back to maah blogspot!

last night was remarkable.